Days of Survival
It was first week of April, 1993 as my oblivious memory could recall the completion of my 5th standard second (final) semester examinations. Summer vacation had started and all my friends planning holidays to exotic locations. I too thought as usual this year too we'll travel to our native place in madhya pradesh. Life was ostensibly smooth as seen by me and my younger brother ajay. But we were made to see the unreal side of life. We were being raised in a virtual world. My parents had been blessed with an amazing idiosyncrasy of shrouding the vicissitudes of life from their children. We were unaware that the darkest and ugliest phase of our lives was at our doorstep banging relentlessly.
We never owned a house and it takes a lifetime to own a house in the city of dreams, mumbai, where my dad stepped in 20 yrs back when he was just 13 relinquishing his secondary education owing to the absence of the basic necessities. Now by god's grace he was staying in a rented house of the company quarters along with his wife and two children. His journey until now was in itself mystifying. Being a class IV employee yet he was not privileged enough to be bestowed with a flat by his company. The lease was supposed to get expired in the next week. He was unaware of the foes that have been emerging through time in the colony we lived. He never realized when his friends turned into adversaries. They ascertain that he starved for his life. Electricity to our home was cut-off. The house owner was intimidated not to extend the lease. No one in the colony dared to rent out a house to us. We were the victims of a well conspired manoeuvre. But it was too late by the time we realised. Ultimately, the day arrived when we had to evacuate the house, packing our livelihoods, still in a dilemma where to go next. After a lot of plea few people agreed to at least keep the belongings we held. But that too was scattered to multiple houses and we were left with a couple of suitcase containing essentials for the days to come. It was just a matter of few days before our lives took a 180 degree turn. This was just the beginning. Not a single person stood by us. My dad considered himself to be an influential person in BJP political party. But all his influences were mere phonies to his tardy realization. We were abandoned and forsaken. We had been living hand to mouth. Dad being a worker in BPT had limited cash reserve left to buy oxygen only for the next few days not knowing how far we could pull through.
In such a dire state dad took us to the chairman’s office of his union asking for a house. All he could get in return was disappointment. According to the chairman he was bound by the system and like everyone else could offer nothing but vacuous condolences. Sitting on the staircase of the union office my mother couldn't stop shedding tears coddling both of her children within her arms. We had lost all hopes and dad still hoping against hope. He was a warrior and still had strength to carry on in search of the silver lining.
By now it was evening and the day seemed to be too short. While we were wailing on the throes of our fate, one of dad's co-worker passed by us. He read the whole story on faces of these two little children. His magnanimity asked us to come to his home. He himself stayed in a small shanty between a crowded and bedraggled slum along a footpath. It was more than a palace for us in such a misery. We got a temporary relief but for how long was the question. We lived there for couple of days. How miserable it was bathing in open and using squalid public toilet half a kilometre away. Mom made us understand something was better than nothing and we are left with no choice. Survival was the only purpose. Not to further burden his co-worker dad decided to find refuge in some other place. This time too the conditions were no different only the proprietor had changed with his own family. Each passing day dad's cash reserve was depleting and his options deteriorating. How much a worker earning 2000 bucks a month could save to create a reserve? It was a very meagre amount in this high-priced city. I had seen dad borrowing 300 bucks from one of his fellow worker. Life was worsening for us. While we were staying as a refugee dad was trying hard to get a house on rent. But we never had the deposit to pay upfront. Everyday he came back with disappointment, failing to cumulate money to pay the deposit. Now it was high time for the owner that we got out of the house. We all left the place with an unceasing anguish. All these days single-handedly dad was fighting a loosing battle like a valiant warrior against all odds. Every single day he was put to test of his nerve and mettle. He was growing weak day after day loosing faith and certitude. Apparently all doors were shut for us and at the spur of the moment we were nowhere.
Oblivious of the next destination, he took us to a nearby railway station. We were left homeless and destitute. The station was crowded with people hustling for work. We spent more than an hour trying to figure out our way. It seemed to be a dead end. Meanwhile Dad was talking to one of his colleague for a long time that happened to meet him coincidently. My eyes never moved off his face. He exuded degenerating confidence. Fatigue and weariness was distinctly evident. Trains were approaching and leaving the station. Mom was cosseting us to her extreme. Her eyes were numb. I couldn’t remember last when both of them had enough sleep sacrificing their days and nights for us.
I believe anyone can survive alone. But when it comes to having a family it becomes million times difficult for the patriarch to sustain them. You have a responsibility not towards your own self but towards your family. It takes sheer dauntless courage to live up to those responsibilities.
For the last ten days round the clock dad was combating to find an oasis of hope and survival. Our problems had refused to cease and kept on compounding. What happened next was the last thing we ever wished for.
It was now more than 2 hours we sat on the bench of the railway platform while dad conversing with his colleague and intermittently wiping his reeking eyes with his hands. Both of them came close to us and said we have to board the train now. We didn’t ask where were we heading but we have just follow him. We all were waiting for the next local train to arrive incognizant of the destination. Sitting almost at one end of the platform, we heard the announcement of the next arriving local. Having to board the train we stood up and gathered all our belongings.
The train was at a distance as I could see from the platform. It was fast closing in like a famished lion frantically running after his prey. As the train closed in I could hear its premonitory roar. As soon as it entered the platform and was about to pass us a man from the platform running amok jumped on the rails in front of this fast impending train. The entire world appeared to had stopped for a moment. It was in a blink of an eye. It didn’t even take jiffy for this person to act. It was whimsical. Mom was the first eye witness to react to this horrific scene. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Dad had attempted suicide. Time seemed to freeze.
Like a peal of thunder, our whole world came crashing down before us. Days of homelessness had made us undergo hysterical neurosis wherein all our senses denied functioning. It took no time for mom to release our hands and run after him as if no matter what, no matter how, she'll always follow him wherever he goes. After all she had avowed to be with him till eternity when she married him. Suddenly dad's colleague got hold of her and stopped her from moving further. Murderous Train still containing speed before it could stop. Overtaken by vertigo, mom spun and fell unconscious. She witnessed something unthinkable, something unforgettable. We cried and cried loud holding our fallen mom scrambling for help. There was a sudden upheaval all the across the platform. The crowd startled and gazed at the spot where dad jumped. Couple of ladies taking hold of my mother tried to revive her. Everyone ran for rescue of dad. Train still taking its own time to halt. Before train could stop, few people pronounced that he was no more. Someone said, "No way can this man survive in front of this homicidal train. Was he insane?”
Train gradually throwing in speed and coming to halt. Penetrating wails of those children could still be distinctly heard in this pandemonium. Noise of the running train was not enough to swallow the hue and cry of the people around. Seven bogies had already passed over him. What was the probability of his survival? Nil. We were thrown out in the sudden darkness. It appeared it was the death of 3 other lives along with him and my entire family had been erased in an instant.
As soon as the gory train came to a halt, people wasted no time and started getting down the train to see the lifeless soul. Someone asked the motorman to halt the train till the body was removed from the tracks. Everything was crowded before my eyes. People were crawling to get below the titanic machine. In midst of this, all of a sudden I heard someone saying, "woh bach gaya"(He survived). No one could believe it at the first instant. Everyone watched dad with bewilderment. I ran towards the train to see him if I could. Then few people managed to get the unconscious body out of the tracks. As he was taken out he regained his lost memory only remembering that last he was on the platform waiting for the train to board. He was without a bruise on his body. Not a single part of this elephantine machine dared to touch his skin. Pausing in the shadow of the massive vehicle, I heaved a sigh of relief. It was a moment of an immense deliverance. It was not until this instant that I truly realized there was god. Dad was an ardent devotee of lord ram and ganesh. Apparently, they had somehow placed him on the tracks like a mother putting the baby on the cradle with caress and placed an inconspicuous carapace over him as if preordained by the creator of the universe himself.
And here I saw god gazing at him and showering second life at him.
I took a deep breath and thank god with grievous tears still pouring copiously. The last sixty seconds had stupefied the entire crowd still puzzling out how this man survived the cataclysm. He cheated death. Even yumraj (the god of death) couldn't withstand his benefaction. One person murmured, "He certainly must have done a holy deed in his life" .Indeed.
The measure of his faith was the measure of the pain he could endure. His agony had reached the threshold blinding him out to embrace the last resort. It was an involuntary attempt.
Meanwhile, mom was still lying in the absence of conscious volition. She was under the siege of inscrutable pitch-black solitude unruffled by extraneous commotion. Torn by his rectitude dad came by my prostrate mother and tried talking to her. But she was in a deep sopor. In this whole catastrophe, I believed she was worst affected. She was rushed to a nearby hospital regaining her consciousness after an hour. Somewhere on the edge of her mind still she could hear the sound of train wheels. She grabbed dad tightly in consternation.
It was late night and we all thought of spending the night in the hospital. We didn’t have a choice. We didn’t have any other place to go. The whole day and the night we spent without consuming a grain of food. We forgot what hunger is. The day was not unusual for us except having encountered the appalling tragedy.
Dad was already on the verge of a mental breakdown and had started behaving abnormally. Impetuously he asked us to leave mumbai. He said he cannot come along as he had his job. It made sense as he was the only source of oxygen for us. He had to work to see his family alive. He said he cannot see us drifting the bottomless abyss of destitution anymore and it would be prudent for us to leave for our village and stay there. Mom couldn’t imagine leaving her soul mate alone. Also dad was not keeping well physically as well as mentally. She was afraid what if he attempted suicide second time. Mom was more than worried and had a genuine reason for it. She considered it being a grave sin if she let that happen again. The serious altercation continued the entire night.
Dad was resolute on his stance. After all he possessed the right to head his family with a carte blanche to turn things around which was not an overnight task. According to him, it was a reasonably rational decision. He vowed us not to attempt this faux pas again. He experienced a deep sadness laced with guilt.
Then series of questions cropped up before them. How long are we going to stay there? How will we meet our daily food expenses? What about the education of our children?
How long? ...None of us had an answer. Perhaps forever.
About food and other daily expenses?....he would send money order every month.
Education?...dad decided to make us study in village itself. It was a withdrawn village with only a couple of hindi medium schools at a distance not less than 2 miles.
Their two children were the sole reason for their survival without which their life had no meaning. All theses decisions were being taken under the melancholy of what it seemed to be the gloomiest and longest night.
Early morning we left for lokmanya tilak terminus from where long distance trains departed to our native place. Dad was short of money to buy tickets. Even if we had, it was impossible to get a reserved ticket for a 24 hour long journey at the time of summer vacation. Mom had never been to school making her educationally challenged. She can’t even read where was platform no. 1 and where was platform no. 2. and how could dad expect her to complete 1 day journey along with two children. “Are you insane”, mom grumbled. “I don’t know where to look for platforms, bus numbers. How am I gonna travel alone.” She was right. Never in her life had she travelled alone. Dad looked uncertain as she eyed the concentric arcs of his retina. But today it was the test of her courage. Dad dumped all three of us in the ladies general compartment leaving rest to god. Mom gave him a weary look. I suddenly felt as if we were thrown in some kind of limbo. The bogie was nothing less than a garbage bin like any other general compartments of a long distance train. None of us knew whether we'll reach alive.
And we were on our way off to anonymity with a belief of uncertainty and eternal nothingness in the pursuit of hope…in the constant pursuit of happiness….
Related articles:
My Deities
Education – the basic necessity.
We never owned a house and it takes a lifetime to own a house in the city of dreams, mumbai, where my dad stepped in 20 yrs back when he was just 13 relinquishing his secondary education owing to the absence of the basic necessities. Now by god's grace he was staying in a rented house of the company quarters along with his wife and two children. His journey until now was in itself mystifying. Being a class IV employee yet he was not privileged enough to be bestowed with a flat by his company. The lease was supposed to get expired in the next week. He was unaware of the foes that have been emerging through time in the colony we lived. He never realized when his friends turned into adversaries. They ascertain that he starved for his life. Electricity to our home was cut-off. The house owner was intimidated not to extend the lease. No one in the colony dared to rent out a house to us. We were the victims of a well conspired manoeuvre. But it was too late by the time we realised. Ultimately, the day arrived when we had to evacuate the house, packing our livelihoods, still in a dilemma where to go next. After a lot of plea few people agreed to at least keep the belongings we held. But that too was scattered to multiple houses and we were left with a couple of suitcase containing essentials for the days to come. It was just a matter of few days before our lives took a 180 degree turn. This was just the beginning. Not a single person stood by us. My dad considered himself to be an influential person in BJP political party. But all his influences were mere phonies to his tardy realization. We were abandoned and forsaken. We had been living hand to mouth. Dad being a worker in BPT had limited cash reserve left to buy oxygen only for the next few days not knowing how far we could pull through.
In such a dire state dad took us to the chairman’s office of his union asking for a house. All he could get in return was disappointment. According to the chairman he was bound by the system and like everyone else could offer nothing but vacuous condolences. Sitting on the staircase of the union office my mother couldn't stop shedding tears coddling both of her children within her arms. We had lost all hopes and dad still hoping against hope. He was a warrior and still had strength to carry on in search of the silver lining.
By now it was evening and the day seemed to be too short. While we were wailing on the throes of our fate, one of dad's co-worker passed by us. He read the whole story on faces of these two little children. His magnanimity asked us to come to his home. He himself stayed in a small shanty between a crowded and bedraggled slum along a footpath. It was more than a palace for us in such a misery. We got a temporary relief but for how long was the question. We lived there for couple of days. How miserable it was bathing in open and using squalid public toilet half a kilometre away. Mom made us understand something was better than nothing and we are left with no choice. Survival was the only purpose. Not to further burden his co-worker dad decided to find refuge in some other place. This time too the conditions were no different only the proprietor had changed with his own family. Each passing day dad's cash reserve was depleting and his options deteriorating. How much a worker earning 2000 bucks a month could save to create a reserve? It was a very meagre amount in this high-priced city. I had seen dad borrowing 300 bucks from one of his fellow worker. Life was worsening for us. While we were staying as a refugee dad was trying hard to get a house on rent. But we never had the deposit to pay upfront. Everyday he came back with disappointment, failing to cumulate money to pay the deposit. Now it was high time for the owner that we got out of the house. We all left the place with an unceasing anguish. All these days single-handedly dad was fighting a loosing battle like a valiant warrior against all odds. Every single day he was put to test of his nerve and mettle. He was growing weak day after day loosing faith and certitude. Apparently all doors were shut for us and at the spur of the moment we were nowhere.
Oblivious of the next destination, he took us to a nearby railway station. We were left homeless and destitute. The station was crowded with people hustling for work. We spent more than an hour trying to figure out our way. It seemed to be a dead end. Meanwhile Dad was talking to one of his colleague for a long time that happened to meet him coincidently. My eyes never moved off his face. He exuded degenerating confidence. Fatigue and weariness was distinctly evident. Trains were approaching and leaving the station. Mom was cosseting us to her extreme. Her eyes were numb. I couldn’t remember last when both of them had enough sleep sacrificing their days and nights for us.
I believe anyone can survive alone. But when it comes to having a family it becomes million times difficult for the patriarch to sustain them. You have a responsibility not towards your own self but towards your family. It takes sheer dauntless courage to live up to those responsibilities.
For the last ten days round the clock dad was combating to find an oasis of hope and survival. Our problems had refused to cease and kept on compounding. What happened next was the last thing we ever wished for.
It was now more than 2 hours we sat on the bench of the railway platform while dad conversing with his colleague and intermittently wiping his reeking eyes with his hands. Both of them came close to us and said we have to board the train now. We didn’t ask where were we heading but we have just follow him. We all were waiting for the next local train to arrive incognizant of the destination. Sitting almost at one end of the platform, we heard the announcement of the next arriving local. Having to board the train we stood up and gathered all our belongings.
The train was at a distance as I could see from the platform. It was fast closing in like a famished lion frantically running after his prey. As the train closed in I could hear its premonitory roar. As soon as it entered the platform and was about to pass us a man from the platform running amok jumped on the rails in front of this fast impending train. The entire world appeared to had stopped for a moment. It was in a blink of an eye. It didn’t even take jiffy for this person to act. It was whimsical. Mom was the first eye witness to react to this horrific scene. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Dad had attempted suicide. Time seemed to freeze.
Like a peal of thunder, our whole world came crashing down before us. Days of homelessness had made us undergo hysterical neurosis wherein all our senses denied functioning. It took no time for mom to release our hands and run after him as if no matter what, no matter how, she'll always follow him wherever he goes. After all she had avowed to be with him till eternity when she married him. Suddenly dad's colleague got hold of her and stopped her from moving further. Murderous Train still containing speed before it could stop. Overtaken by vertigo, mom spun and fell unconscious. She witnessed something unthinkable, something unforgettable. We cried and cried loud holding our fallen mom scrambling for help. There was a sudden upheaval all the across the platform. The crowd startled and gazed at the spot where dad jumped. Couple of ladies taking hold of my mother tried to revive her. Everyone ran for rescue of dad. Train still taking its own time to halt. Before train could stop, few people pronounced that he was no more. Someone said, "No way can this man survive in front of this homicidal train. Was he insane?”
Train gradually throwing in speed and coming to halt. Penetrating wails of those children could still be distinctly heard in this pandemonium. Noise of the running train was not enough to swallow the hue and cry of the people around. Seven bogies had already passed over him. What was the probability of his survival? Nil. We were thrown out in the sudden darkness. It appeared it was the death of 3 other lives along with him and my entire family had been erased in an instant.
As soon as the gory train came to a halt, people wasted no time and started getting down the train to see the lifeless soul. Someone asked the motorman to halt the train till the body was removed from the tracks. Everything was crowded before my eyes. People were crawling to get below the titanic machine. In midst of this, all of a sudden I heard someone saying, "woh bach gaya"(He survived). No one could believe it at the first instant. Everyone watched dad with bewilderment. I ran towards the train to see him if I could. Then few people managed to get the unconscious body out of the tracks. As he was taken out he regained his lost memory only remembering that last he was on the platform waiting for the train to board. He was without a bruise on his body. Not a single part of this elephantine machine dared to touch his skin. Pausing in the shadow of the massive vehicle, I heaved a sigh of relief. It was a moment of an immense deliverance. It was not until this instant that I truly realized there was god. Dad was an ardent devotee of lord ram and ganesh. Apparently, they had somehow placed him on the tracks like a mother putting the baby on the cradle with caress and placed an inconspicuous carapace over him as if preordained by the creator of the universe himself.
And here I saw god gazing at him and showering second life at him.
I took a deep breath and thank god with grievous tears still pouring copiously. The last sixty seconds had stupefied the entire crowd still puzzling out how this man survived the cataclysm. He cheated death. Even yumraj (the god of death) couldn't withstand his benefaction. One person murmured, "He certainly must have done a holy deed in his life" .Indeed.
The measure of his faith was the measure of the pain he could endure. His agony had reached the threshold blinding him out to embrace the last resort. It was an involuntary attempt.
Meanwhile, mom was still lying in the absence of conscious volition. She was under the siege of inscrutable pitch-black solitude unruffled by extraneous commotion. Torn by his rectitude dad came by my prostrate mother and tried talking to her. But she was in a deep sopor. In this whole catastrophe, I believed she was worst affected. She was rushed to a nearby hospital regaining her consciousness after an hour. Somewhere on the edge of her mind still she could hear the sound of train wheels. She grabbed dad tightly in consternation.
It was late night and we all thought of spending the night in the hospital. We didn’t have a choice. We didn’t have any other place to go. The whole day and the night we spent without consuming a grain of food. We forgot what hunger is. The day was not unusual for us except having encountered the appalling tragedy.
Dad was already on the verge of a mental breakdown and had started behaving abnormally. Impetuously he asked us to leave mumbai. He said he cannot come along as he had his job. It made sense as he was the only source of oxygen for us. He had to work to see his family alive. He said he cannot see us drifting the bottomless abyss of destitution anymore and it would be prudent for us to leave for our village and stay there. Mom couldn’t imagine leaving her soul mate alone. Also dad was not keeping well physically as well as mentally. She was afraid what if he attempted suicide second time. Mom was more than worried and had a genuine reason for it. She considered it being a grave sin if she let that happen again. The serious altercation continued the entire night.
Dad was resolute on his stance. After all he possessed the right to head his family with a carte blanche to turn things around which was not an overnight task. According to him, it was a reasonably rational decision. He vowed us not to attempt this faux pas again. He experienced a deep sadness laced with guilt.
Then series of questions cropped up before them. How long are we going to stay there? How will we meet our daily food expenses? What about the education of our children?
How long? ...None of us had an answer. Perhaps forever.
About food and other daily expenses?....he would send money order every month.
Education?...dad decided to make us study in village itself. It was a withdrawn village with only a couple of hindi medium schools at a distance not less than 2 miles.
Their two children were the sole reason for their survival without which their life had no meaning. All theses decisions were being taken under the melancholy of what it seemed to be the gloomiest and longest night.
Early morning we left for lokmanya tilak terminus from where long distance trains departed to our native place. Dad was short of money to buy tickets. Even if we had, it was impossible to get a reserved ticket for a 24 hour long journey at the time of summer vacation. Mom had never been to school making her educationally challenged. She can’t even read where was platform no. 1 and where was platform no. 2. and how could dad expect her to complete 1 day journey along with two children. “Are you insane”, mom grumbled. “I don’t know where to look for platforms, bus numbers. How am I gonna travel alone.” She was right. Never in her life had she travelled alone. Dad looked uncertain as she eyed the concentric arcs of his retina. But today it was the test of her courage. Dad dumped all three of us in the ladies general compartment leaving rest to god. Mom gave him a weary look. I suddenly felt as if we were thrown in some kind of limbo. The bogie was nothing less than a garbage bin like any other general compartments of a long distance train. None of us knew whether we'll reach alive.
And we were on our way off to anonymity with a belief of uncertainty and eternal nothingness in the pursuit of hope…in the constant pursuit of happiness….
Related articles:
My Deities
Education – the basic necessity.
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